Sunday, 7 February 2016

''I'm Trying To Be Somebody Else but Everybody Else is Taken''

I started my second semester back in January after a wonderful 5 weeks of Christmas holidays. The second week of the semester has ended and week 3 is approaching. In all honesty, it feels as if we never quite left for the length of time we did.

In my college, it was RAG week and if you're a college student you'll know exactly what antics we were all up to! The Student's Union opened a bar in the SU Lounge for the week which was brilliant, especially as there were wonderful performances by various acts, which I really enjoyed.

I realise it's been nearly a month since my last update. Instead of the over-sharing I once did on my blog, I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum where I share very little content that is to a degree, planned carefully. The title of this blog post comes from the song, 'Best Man' by The Strypes. The lyric has been reverberating in my head for a number of weeks, mainly because I can connect to those few syllables so well. I've been struggling with my own identity as of late. There's different versions of 'Aveen' floating around and I'm not quite sure which of the categories and identities is currently most applicable to me.

For several months I've questioned my identity, 'Who exactly am I?' has been a question plaguing my mind for a long time. During my secondary school years, I clung to my online identity. I felt that by adopting the persona of 'Awkward Aveen,' it might have made my days easier - which it both did and didn't. When that persona didn't quite work in my favour, I went to being determined, hard working but incredibly quiet for a lot of 2015.

Upon starting college, I was left with the dilemma of who exactly I wanted to be. It's still very much an issue I experience on a daily basis. I didn't want to be known solely by my musings on the internet (great thing is that many of my friends know, but it doesn't bother them, mainly due to my infrequency of updates) yet, for several years, the blog was an integral part of my life, giving me confidence to be a person I never thought I'd could be.

I did consider quitting blogging a number of times throughout my first semester. I wasn't gaining any satisfaction in blogging. I felt that I was typing to a brick wall and felt quite lonely in the blogging world. I'm planning on being more involved in the blogging world this year, as I miss the friends I made through writing online.

Please don't get me wrong, I still struggle with issues related to confidence (that's a story for another day my friends) but I think these are eased by blogging. It's viewed as attention seeking or narcissistic to write on a blogging platform by some -  yet for me it's not related to that at all. Blogging is therapeutic, typing on a keyboard allows me to clear my mind and prevent any negative emotions from building up. Last semester I complained about a lack of time which reduced my ability to create content. This semester I am determined to post on a more regular basis.

To document one's life I think is a wonderful concept. I've re-read over diaries I kept from my childhood and early teenage years and I desire to do the same with regards to my late teenage and early adult years. One must not be afraid of their emotions. Our feelings make us human, stronger, not weaker. That's something I really want to fully learn the value of.


Tuesday night in Crush with some of the girls, the camera quality the photographer used was amazing. 

Most of the girls I live with in college quite literally 'out in force'! 




An assortment of selfies with the girls!

I went to see Ardal O'Hanlon in one of the local hotels on Saturday night. It was a brilliant evening that I spent literally laughing my head off.


One of my Christmas presents was the first Jack Reacher book by Lee Child. My Mam is a massive fan and decided it was time I joined the obsession. I'm about to start the fourth book (there's 19 in the series) so I have lots of reading to do - exciting times. I'd definitely recommend reading the books, they're absolutely fantastic. 

Aveen xx


*Title of blog post: The Strypes - Best Man